Friday, May 17th, 2002
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2:51 pm
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I HATE BOYS. THEY MAKE ME CRY...........
(if you are a boy and are reading this heres a bit of advice.......DON'T MAKE GIRLS CRY!!!)
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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2:46 pm
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hey i ahd detetion today isnt that awsome?? yup! i know! anyways there is a really cute boy but i dont like him because i dont want to cause boys always end up sucking if you like them. they always seem to be mean to me or screw me over! haha....it sucks being me. lol anyways i really need a job!!! cause i want to go places this summer. oh yea and i want a boy friend. a nice one! no mean boys! i have had it with them! there are tooo many mean boys though......its hard to find a good boy. and then when i do they dont like me........haha what a surprise....lol! thats ok. i will hopefully find someone soon! so if anyone knows of any cute single nice boys let me know!!! peace out
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, April 25th, 2002
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2:46 pm
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Imperfect
When I wake up I try to look good
I I get dressed, do my hair, slide a brush of green across my eyelids
I put on a smile to go with my lip gloss
But when I look in the mirror one word comes to mind
-I m p e r f e c t-
When I get to school I try to look confident
I walk in the Science lab and sit next to you
I say hi and you ask you how you are
But when I catch my reflection in the lab sinks one word comes to mind
-I m p e r f e c t-
When it's lunch time I try to look like I'm not too hungry
I lay an apple and half a sandwich on a napkin
I take bite by bite
When I go to use the bathroom I look in the mirror and one word comes to mind
-I m p e r f e c t-
When it's the end of the school day I try not to look too upset
I plaster a smile on my face and walk up to you
I give you a hug and say goodbye
But then I see myself in the window and one word comes to mind
-I m p e r f e c t-
When it's time for bed I don't try to look good anymore
I cry until my pillow is soaked of tears
And I can feel the wet and salty taste in my mouth
But then I catch a glimpse of myself in my mind and one word comes to mind
-I m p e r f e c t-
When it's time to shut my eyes I try to dream
You and I are together on the beach
We're holding hands, walking side by side
But then I see our reflection in the ocean and one word comes to mind
-P e r f e c t i o n-
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, February 1st, 2002
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4:53 am
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did you ever notice how the only time you called me to hang out was when you were grounded and werent allowed to hang out with anyone else. and even then you didnt really hang out with me you used me for a cover up. you only come around when you need a favor and i am not dealin with that shit anymore, go ahead forget about everyone thats ever been there for you. go ahead and hurt all the people that were closest to you anf that loved you and cared for you. go ahead cause you are gonna do it anyways. that is bullshit! i dont care anymore i have tried to be nice and i have always been there for you but i am not goin to be anymore. i am not goin to be here for you to use when you need me and throw me away when you dont. so i guess you are goin to have to rely on you new best friends cause i am not here to do you favors anymore, untill you prove to me that that you actually care. and to tell you the truth i doubt that is possible cause you arent goin to change. so i am done.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, January 17th, 2002
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10:00 am
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i really wish someone could help me but i just keep pushing help away. i guess thats cause i need help from someone else. someone other than my parents and my friends that are there for me now i know they will always be there and for that i love them. but i think every day i am goin out of my mind more and more i cant take it. things get worse and worse each day. i think a big part that upsets me is the fact that the people who are hurting me dont even realize it. to some its probally obvious and to others not so much. i could tell them but i dont work my problems out like that they just seem to get worse and worse i will fuck things up even worse than they already are. its so hard to keep a smile on your face just to please other poeople who dont even really care all the while your s heart and soul is deteirerating. pepole just dont understand, or maybe its just i dint want them to. ok i appologize for all the people who had to read this and think i am a mean person or whatever you think but i just had to put my thoughts somewhere. anyways i am done complaining. peace out
current mood:  depressed
current music: linkin park
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:53 am
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yay! today was a half day! once again i am not asked to hang out but asked for a favor. when will things change? i have no idea but when that person trys to change them it may be too late. i am not gonna be here for you if you arent here for me. dude seriously i hate this sooooo much i once again manage to like a guy with a girlfriend. i am giving up on boys they are dumb i am giving up untill they put effort into things i am sick of always being the one whose trying. but wait they never come around thats what sucks about boys at our school they are almost all retarded and end up chosing the nasty sluty girls. whatvever. doesnt any guy want a nice girl anymore? they all seem to like the bitches. dude thats gay. anyways i have realized that i am over him but i just want something like what we had just not with him right now because he is too far away. i need someone who is here. but wait that wont happen! ahhhhh! hahaha! ok anyways i really want someone to come to mijers with me! i am sooo hungry i cant wait to get food! and then i will sleep and then play volleyball hopefully we win today! caus ei cant stand losing anymore! peace out love ya all!
current mood:  hungry
current music: over and over ny default
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 16th, 2002
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3:30 am
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dude fuck it! i seriously give up! i cant stand it. why do people want to change like everything about themselves and their lives just for one person? thats gay! dont worry its ok if you dont need me as a best friend anymore just tell me. whatever. i am soooo pissed. dont say one thing and do another. so anyways god! i always seem to like boys with girlfriends! oh it sucks let me tell you! but yea i am goin to vent some more about shit cause i am goin to blow up one of these days! god! and if i am acting bitchy towards the people that never did anything to hurt me i am really sorry just tell me to shut up!~ peace~
current mood:  pissed off
current music: crawlin by linkin park
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, January 11th, 2002
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3:36 am
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hello!!! i have not written in here in forever! wow! well we had our first 2 volleyball games and we lost em both! but we do play the three hardest teams in our league first so i am really hopin that we can win our next game! man i have to go to practice soon and we are gonna have to run alot! grrrr! anyways things have been really weird lately. i guess its because i am losing my best friend. its hard to even imagine that we could be so distant now cause we have been best friends since kindergarden. and its really hard cause its all happening sooo fast. but i still have hope i always have hope. but i dont think that she is really worried cause she knows i am always goin to be here. but sometimes i dont feel like she is always goin to be there cause its just seems like she is moving on and forgeting to fast. but i guess no matter what i will always be here. have you ever lost a best friend? i have lost really close friends and that was hard so i am hoping that i dont have to lose my best friend of like 13 years cause i dont think i could deal. its soooo hard right now. there is just so much shit goin on. but i am sooo glad i have some really awsome friends who are here for me no matter what (elaina, becca and shelly). i am really hoping things will be alright and i think that they will eventually work themselves out. but anyways tomarrow is my birthday and i am really excited! so many things happen tomarrow! yay! no more criminal reccord! yay! team party at my house! yay! i am goin out to have lotsa fun! yay! hahaha anyways i am goin so peace out ttyl
current mood:  frustrated
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 4th, 2001
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12:01 am
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Hi all!! This is candice and i'm at jessies house with kristina!! we are going to the mall!!!
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 7th, 2001
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2:32 am
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hey yea i dont like it when people dont like me so yea itsa gonna bother me if you dont. i guess i just want to be friends with everyone and it is impossible for everyone to like you. so i guess i have to deal with it cause who ever doesnt like me its probally for a dumb reason cause i like practically everyone and i try to be nice to everyone. so if you dont like me for a gay reason i guess thats your fault. but i just wanna say that i like everyone and i guess if you dont like me dont talk to me cause i dont want someone who doesnt like me to bring me down anymore than i am.
current mood:  drained
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 6th, 2001
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3:46 am
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hey yea i havent written in here in forever. but yea i am really depressed and i have no where else to write so i will write in here. i hate this! i hate boys they are nothing but troubble. they always hurt me no matter what. some of them dont mean to but they do. i just wish that i could find a good boy for once that i could have all to myself. i need someone there to talk to to console in. i need to be loved by someone other than my family and friends. there is a hole in me and i need someone to fill it. there hasnt been anyone there to take that place and it seems like no one is trying. i wish there was something i could do but i guess theres not. i wish that i wouldnt but my heart out there so much cause too many people tend to step all over it. its too hard liking someone and then finding out they dont like you back. its to hard to go through a cycle like that all the time. its like i dont even want to like someone anymore. i am so sick of getting rejected. i am sick of thinking that someone might actually like me and want to hook up and then finding out i was a complete fool. its the same thing over and over again. i wonder how much mor of it i can take? i dont think much more. well i am goin to take a nap and hopefully i will have sweet dreams about nice boys.
current mood: depressed
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, August 19th, 2001
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12:36 pm
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i am sooooo upset right now! i hate people who are so inconsiderate. ugh! i try and be nice and help someone out or just try and talk and i get blown off. why do i even bother?? well i guess i should make better choices when it comes to guys i like cause fo r some reason they all turn out to be either assholes or not intrested in me. most of the time its both! ugh! i hate it so much. some time people are so imature about things they dont even care that they are being assholes to the poeple who are nice to them. so i say fuck it with certin people why even bother?? but i am not a mean person so i guess i will go on bein nice to people even the ones who treat me like shit.
current mood: pissed off
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 15th, 2001
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2:07 am
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hey i havent writen in a while! but i have been doin stuff. its great havin your lisence you actually have things to do. lets see i have been hangin out with my friends from fraser they are really cool and alot of fun. there is this guy jeff he goes to fraser he is really cute and stuff but he is really shy around me. i hate it. cause i really want to get to know him better. basically i have been chillin with the fraser kids (kristen, kaitlyn, keith, and jeff) i saw american pie 2 it was soooo good! i loved it! it was really funny! i am sad cause bre is gonna be gone this weekend untill sunday. but dustin call me and we will do somethin. cause i am gonna be real bored. lol. dude school is startin soooooo soon i dont want it to! homecoming is soon. oh no! i really hope i get a date. i dont wanna go stag! dude i havent even gona any school clothes shoping at all. i am broke!!! i hate it! i need money! well if anyone wants to do something this weekend or ever just call me cause i miss everyone! well gotta go i think i am goin to bres grandpas and then i have volleyball. with coach steve! yay! lol. peace out
current mood:  confused
current music: blu cantrell "hit em up style"
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 17th, 2001
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2:19 am
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hey guess what i got my lisence!!!! yay!!!! i am soooo happy well i gotta go i will prolly be back later to tell you what i did today! peace out
current mood:  giddy
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, July 14th, 2001
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12:14 am
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i got into some major troubble. and it sucks bad! i am not going to say the troubble i got into over here cause i dont want everyone to know. even though everyone prolly already does. i have to go out and look for another job cause i need money! i dont know if i am grounded yet but if i am i want everyone to call me and talk to me alot and try and keep me busy cause if i get to bored who knows what will happen lol. last night was the scariest night of my life and will never experience anything like it again in my life. my head still hurts from crying so much and not knowing what a dissapointment it would be to everyone. anyways i just wanna let everyone know how scared i was last night and let them know to not make the same mistake i did. peace out.
current mood:  disappointed
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(comment on this)
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Friday, July 13th, 2001
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2:59 am
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~`My horoscope for today~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You may be driving yourself crazy by trying to be someone who you are not, Jessie. Perhaps you were inspired a long time ago to do something or be someone specific. The reality has finally hit that this is not what you are fated to do or become. Dealing with the truth of the situation may be difficult for you to handle. Perhaps your whole self-identity was wrapped up in this particular concept. You must now rebuild the structure of who you are. It is better to do it now rather than later.
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, July 12th, 2001
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1:31 pm
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there is so much going on in my head right now so much that i could never talk about it all. i dont know why there is so many things i just dont understand about people, myself and life in general. everyone around you is changing and you seem to be stuck in the same spot as you were two years ago. you cant deal with the pain that just keeps building up inside everytime your heart gets stepped all over. there is no one out there that you feel can relate cause your pain seems so much deeper than anyone could imagine to be for someone like you. someone who keeps everything inside and lets thing build up. its sometimes hard to see all the people around you with someone caring for them and when you look for someone like that to turn to he isnt there. he doesnt exist. i am going on to yet another day where he will not be there, where he will not be a prsence in my life, he will not be there to call my boyfriend. so i try to look past it and try to move on put every day it hurts more and more. when you see peope together you wish you had what they had. you wish that someone could complement you and hold you so close that you feel all your problems just go away. someone who makes you fell loved. you wish someday some one will notice you and make you feel important.
current mood: depressed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, July 1st, 2001
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3:23 am
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hey i just got back form vacation. it was awsome but it's good to be back! dude i have so many good stories to tell but i cant say them all here. i was so mad cause this year craig didnt come up but his dad did and he said he really wanted to go and see me! but i told his dad to have him call me. last night was our last night up there and we went bowling with my cousin and some of his hot friends who came up and we didnt come home till one. but we wanted to have some more fun cause it was the last night so we built a fire. we ended up staying out till it got bright out. it was so much fun but i am sooo tired cause i had to drive home most of the way. but yeah i am soooooo mad at my mom right now! she wont let me go on a little trip with someone for like for days to six flags even though i hve my own money and everything.what really makes me mad though is that she brings up litte things and trys and make it all my fault and like i dont deserve to go on a trip. whatever! grrrr.............! i am just gonna sit here and be bored then! but if anyone wants to do something contact me and i will be more than happy to do soething cause i aint goin no where! dude just give me a call! peace out
current mood: pissed off
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(comment on this)
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Friday, June 8th, 2001
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5:06 am
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hey what is up everyone? i hope i dont gotta go to school tomarrow that would be great! i am so sad that school is over yet i am so happy. i am gonna miss alot of people and i am kind of regreting not talking to certin people more. i dont wanna go the whole summer with out talkin with these people cause one of them i like alot and i dont wanna just not talk. i want to get to know him better. it kinda sucks! but i am leavin for states tomarrow and i am sooooo excited cause it is soooo much fun! i hope we win the whole thing that would be great! i am watchin the "pop" video it is soooooooo awsome! but yeah i am gonna go and get ready for practice i hope everyone is having fun at the yearbook signing! make sure you all sign my book i wont be there! peace out~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!!!!!!!!!
current mood:  excited
current music: pop
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, June 5th, 2001
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3:13 am
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